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Monday morning, in an effort to distract America from the technical difficulties plaguing healthcare.gov, President Obama staged a #FalseFaint operation.

Although he did a heckuva job, Obama's mission was not quite accomplished.

Luckily for him, the website's problems pale in comparison to those faced by the Republican party.

No doubt, the biggest issue currently afflicting the GOP is the virus known as "the tea party"; as shown in poll after poll after poll, it's dragging Republicans down to previously uncharted depths.

Now, I'm no expert, but it seems to me that the GOP's best bet might just be to start over from scratch.

Morning lineup:

Meet the Press: Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R); Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear (D); Rep. Peter King (R-NY); Roundtable: Former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), Former Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm (D), Neera Tanden (Center for American Progress) and Republican Strategist Alex Castellanos.

Face the Nation: Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA); Sen. Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH); Roundtable: Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal), Former Press Secretary to LBJ Tom Johnson, Bob Woodward (Washington Post) and Author Phil Shenon.

This Week: Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R); Sen. John Barasso (R-WY); Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV); Roundtable: Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile, S.E. Cupp (CNN), Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean (D) and Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard).

Fox News Sunday: Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R); Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN); Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA); Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Peter Baker (New York Times), George Will (Washington Post) and Juan Williams (Fox News).

State of the Union: Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI); Former Obama Health Policy Adviser Dr. Ezekial Emanuel; Rep. John Fleming (R-KA); Ross Douthat (New Yorrk Times); Cornell Belcher (CNN); A.B. Stoddard (The Hill)

Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: the first eyewitness account from a Westerner who was on the ground in Benghazi during the deadly al Qaeda attack on the U.S. consulate (preview); an interview with former Deputy Director of the CIA Mike Morell (preview); and, a backstage look at the Metropolitan Opera in New York (preview).

On Comedy Central...

Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi sat down with the now former Buncombe County, NC GOP Chair for an enlightening interview.

The Daily Show

Monday: Actor Nick Offerman

Tuesday: DNC Chair/Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)

Wednesday: Author Diane Ravitch

Thursday: Author/Journalist Mark Fainaru-Wada

And Stephen Colbert, who has a black friend acquaintance of his own, weighed in on Ted Cruz's shutdown victory, and President Obama's victim mentality.

The Colbert Report

Monday: Actor Orlando Bloom

Tuesday: Author Billy Collins

Wednesday: Intel Science Project Winner Jack Andraka

Thursday: Author Bill Bryson

Elsewhere...

Herman Cain (999) named the party responsible for all of those sexual harassment allegations against him.

Former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain has an idea who might be behind the allegations of sexual harassment that plagued his campaign two years ago: the Devil.

The former CEO of the National Restaurant Association told RealClearReligion in a story published Wednesday that he didn't challenge allegations that he sexually harassed at least four women, some of them anonymous, while at the helm of that organization because it would have been a "huge distraction" from his campaign. He maintained that his accusers are "liars." [...]

"It made me realize that there was a bigger force than right," he said, further blaming the media for "not doing their due diligence."

In related news...

The Rev. Billy Graham found some popular support for his theory that the End Times are near.

Charlie Daniels, the country music legend and the host of the recent documentary, Behold a Pale Horse: America’s Last Chance, said Billy Graham is a very dedicated man of God and what he's feeling is very much valid and in connection with what is going on now.

I also feel the end times are approaching, said Daniels, who is best known for his No. 1 country hit The Devil Went Down to Georgia. I don't know the chronology. I don't know when it's going to happen, but I know it's closer than it was. I believe that the things left to be fulfilled in the Bible could be fulfilled in a very short amount of time.

And, to that End...

GOP mega-donor Sheldon Adelson offered up a foolproof plan for dealing with Iran.

"What I would say is, you see that desert out there? I wanna show you something," Adelson can be heard saying on the video. "And so there's an atomic weapon, goes over a ballistic missile, in the middle of the desert." Adelson claimed that this wouldn’t affect anyone, except "maybe a couple of rattlesnakes and scorpions or whatever." Despite that statement, a mapping of the fallout from the largest nuclear weapon the U.S. currently deploys, using the app NukeMap, shows that even a detonation in the middle of the desert would bring radiation to within 100 km of major Iranian cities.

This massive show of force, according to Adelson, would allow Americans to show resolve enough to make their next threat convincing. "Then you say, 'See! The next one is in the middle of Tehran,'" Adelson said, advising that the Iranian capital with a population of 7 million people be placed under threat. "So, we mean business. You want to be wiped out? Go ahead and take a tough position and continue with your nuclear development."

What could possibly go wrong?

- Trix

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