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A long time ago, in a Benghazi far, far away...

Episode ∞
I HAZ BENG

It is a period of civil war. Republican investigators, striking from a hidden Benghazi, have won their first Benghazi against the evil Obama Empire.

During the battle, Republicans managed to Benghazi secret emails about the Empire's ultimate Benghazi, Obamacare, a health care Benghazi with enough Benghazi to destroy an entire economy.

Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Lindsey races home aboard his Benghazi, custodian of the "smoking gun" that can Benghazi his reelection and restore freedom to the Benghazi...

Morning lineup:

Meet The Press: Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R); National Basketball Player's Association Chair Kevin Johnson; Roundtable: Musician will.i.am, Chuck Todd (NBC News), Kathleen Parker (Washington Post), Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) and Former White House Communications Director Anita Dunn.

Face The Nation: Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti (D); Father of Venus and Serena Williams Richard Williams; Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC); Roundtable: Michele Norris (NPR), Ta-Nehisi Coates (The Atlantic), Georgetown University Prof. Michael Eric Dyson William C. Rhoden (New York Times).

This Week: Sen. Al Franken (D-MN); Former NBA Player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; Author Mark Leibovich; Comedian John Oliver; Roundtable: Cokie Roberts (ABC News), Radio Host Laura Ingraham, Van Jones (CNN), Former White House Senior Adviser David Plouffe and Former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA).

Fox News Sunday: Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH); Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA); FedEx Chairman/CEO Fred Smith; 32 Advisers Founder/CEO Robert Wolf; Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Elise Viebeck (The Hill), George Will (Washington Post) and Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA).

State of the Union: Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI); Rep. Eliot Engel (D-NY); Political Roundtable: Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile, Republican Strategist Ana Navarro and Gwen Ifill (PBS); Economic Roundtable: Stephen Moore (Club for Growth), Mark Zandi (Moody's Analytics) and Annie Lowrey (New York Times).

Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report on BP's claims that businesses not harmed by the 2010 oil spill have collected hundreds of millions of dollars (preview); and, a report on a landmark study of retirement community residents who lived past 90 (preview).

On Comedy Central...

Jon Stewart looked at the escalation of the NRA's rhetoric.

The Daily Show

Monday: MLB Player Mariano Rivera

Tuesday: Author Peter Schuck

Wednesday: Actor Seth Rogen

Thursday: Katie Couric (Yahoo News)

And Stephen Colbert examined the GOP's midterm advantage.

The Colbert Report

Monday: Author/Biologist Edward O. Wilson

Tuesday:  Actress/Singer Bette Midler

Wednesday: David Remnick (The New Yorker)

Thursday: Actress Ellen Page

Elsewhere...

Three Republicans vying for the US Senate nomination in Iowa laid out their criteria for federal judicial nominees.

Radio host and retired Air Force colonel Sam Clovis said he would use natural law as a "litmus test" for judges, while Sarah Palin-backed state Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Red Oak) said judges and senators should understand U.S. laws "come from God" and make their decisions "within that criteria."

But Matt Whitaker, a former federal prosecutor, declared his opponents had not gone "far enough" and said he would demand federal judicial nominees be "people of faith" who "have a biblical view of justice."

In related news...

Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, Roy Moore, explained that the First Amendment only applies to Christians.

Speaking at the Pastor for Life Luncheon, which was sponsored by Pro-Life Mississippi, Chief Justice Roy Moore of the Alabama Supreme Court declared that the First Amendment only applies to Christians because "Buddha didn't create us, Mohammed didn't create us, it was the God of the Holy Scriptures" who created us.

"They didn’t bring the Koran over on the pilgrim ship," he continued. "Let's get real, let's go back and learn our history. Let's stop playing games."

And, bringing up the rear...

South Dakota state Rep. Steve Hickey (R) worried that doctors are being silenced and intimidated regarding the dangers of gay sex.

"I'm asking the doctors who practice in our state, is the science really settled on this issue or is it more the case that you feel silenced and intimidated?" Hickey wrote in the letter, which he posted on his Facebook page.

He didn't waste any time getting to the point.

"Certainly there are board-certified doctors in our state who will attest to what seems self-evident to so many: gay sex is not good for the body or mind," he wrote. "Pardon a crude comparison but regarding men with men, we are talking about a one-way alley meant only for the garbage truck to go down. Frankly, I'd question the judgment of doctor who says it's all fine."

The end, this is.

- Trix

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